Are you sick of deciding what’s for dinner every night?
Photo: Unsplash
By Kellie Scott, ABC
What will we have for dinner? Do the kids have after-school activities tomorrow? Should we catch up with friends this weekend?
Our day is full of decisions, and the more choices we need to make, the more fatigued we can become, explains Australian Association of Psychologists director Carly Dober.
“Decision fatigue is a state of mental overload that can impact or impede a person’s ability to continue making decisions,” says Dober, based in Naarm/Melbourne.
It can also occur when you’re having a difficult time, such as dealing with the death of a loved one, or are faced with uncertainties like the rising cost of living.
Dober says parents, especially single parents and primary caregivers who typically do more of the “planning and executing” in the household, are likely to be familiar with decision fatigue.
“Often mothers and parents experience this kind of carer or parental burnout from just feeling like they are carrying the whole mental load.
“There are all these decisions that are being made by them that can be invisible to other people in the household.”
How decision-fatigue and gender inequality at home are connected
Research shows Australian women do more unpaid labour in the home than men, and are more likely to take on the mental load. As a result, they have a heightened risk of decision fatigue, says Lyn Craig.
She’s a professor of sociology and social policy at the University of Melbourne.
“Working out everybody’s schedules and emotional capacities requires a lot of emotional intelligence as well as constant thinking,” she explains.
While some things are routine; day-to-day happenings of the household, there’s also being prepared for things that could happen.
“Who needs what after school and who goes where and when? What will we do in an emergency?”
Women in heterosexual relationships become the “experts” in this role, Professor Craig says, because of how gender roles are typically organised in Australia.
“Generally they are the primary caregiver – they develop a knowledge [and become] the person that seems to know more.
“You end up making a lot of the decisions because you are the one seen to be responsible and to know what is going on.”
Professor Craig says many of the choices we make are “micro, yet important”, and can be invisible to others.
“[And] there is a learned helplessness if the men aren’t taking responsibility to the same extent, and can feel they are not in the position to make those kinds of decisions.”
The consequences of decision fatigue
Someone with decision fatigue may feel tired and experience “brain fog”, and notice it worsens as the day goes on, Ms Dober explains.
They may also feel irritable and overwhelmed, Professor Craig says.
“There is a whole lot of emotional labour that goes into [constantly making decisions for yourself and others],” she says, adding the cognitive load is immense.
For those in relationships and who feel they are doing most of the decision making, Ms Dober says it can cause strain and lead to arguments.
“It can impact the quality of the relationship, how much you want to share, how invested you are [and] how much resentment you feel.”
Dober says decision fatigue doesn’t necessarily warrant a trip to the GP, but if you are experiencing symptoms that mirror burnout – such as exhaustion, cynicism, low energy – or those of depression or anxiety, it’s best to seek help.
What to do if you are experiencing decision fatigue
To reduce decision fatigue, Dober recommends starting by “trimming the fat”.
“Think about how much time and energy you spend on things that aren’t necessary in life – maybe there will be a few things you can remove.”
She recommends people “streamline their choices” by having a routine.
“If you go the supermarket with a bit of a meal plan in mind, you don’t feel so overwhelmed.
“Avoid random decision making … take some of the thinking out of the moment when it feels overwhelming.”
Other examples include choosing your outfit the night before, and setting up automatic bill paying.
We can also try to delegate, Professor Craig says, asking other people in our life to take over – and communicating just how much work mental labour goes into something like deciding what to have for dinner.
“Name it. Say: ‘On Saturday, I don’t want to make any decisions … you decide where we go for dinner’.”
–ABC